10/14/19

A little over two weeks ago, I started feeling pretty terrible. I thought maybe I was feeling run down because I had been a little sad about a few things. Barry had been on my mind more than usual lately and I was having a tough time finding the pretty things in life.
I could barely stay awake last weekend but the week seemed to go by without feeling too bad. Well, I spent a terrifying and eye opening weekend in the hospital. Things are very bad. Adenocarcinoma of the lungs. There are a few other concerns, too, but I’m not getting into those right now. I insisted on going home yesterday because I just wanted to be with my dog and my cat amongst my own surroundings. Plus, the reality is, my time is limited. They agreed as long as I returned this morning.
It’s not a good diagnosis at all. In fact, it’s a terrifying diagnosis. Complete with me feeling like garbage once again. 
I honestly don’t know how I’m going to proceed. I have a lot of thinking and some discussions to have with some important people in my life before I come to any decisions about treatment options. Including no treatment at all. 
In the meantime, I lost my insurance in July (couldn’t afford the premiums), was denied Maine Care twice, and am waiting to hear about the in house insurance program that the hospital offers.
That coupled with the fact that the company I did independent contract work for no longer finds me useful has left me in a terrible position and I find myself needing help again. Anything is appreciated and I will do my best to update. 
For now, I really want to concentrate on the things that make me happy. Writing, photography, time with my brats, reading, time with friends, etc.
I wish all of you the best. Thank you. 
-Helen

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